I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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