how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
