On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
did i just pee glitter
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
