I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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