dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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