maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
