Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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