I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
