Your mouth is God's brothel.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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