he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
