Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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