I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
