She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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