I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
