seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
