You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
