Swine flu is the new snow day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
