why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
