i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
