I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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