just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am mentally ready for anal.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
