Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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