Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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