There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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