I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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