Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
