I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
