my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
