I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
