Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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