I wish my penis had an off switch
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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