If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
a search helicopter?!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
