I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
