Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just invented taco cereal.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The air was thick with penises
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
