You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
