Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
