i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
