He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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