At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
