Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
