I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
