does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
