Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize