I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
