wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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