Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize