So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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