is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
