are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
