I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
