I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
