Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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