I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
