The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
