I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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