watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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