I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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