I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
