Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Actions speak louder than pants.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
