if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
