The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
