So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
smell my finger.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
