Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
